


whispers in the dark

by infizero



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Anime), Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types
Genre: Coming Out, Gay Character, M/M, Nonbinary Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 06:00:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24346165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infizero/pseuds/infizero
Summary: Gou has something to tell his friends.aka: 2 times gou comes out as gay and 1 time he comes out as something else
Relationships: (mentioned) - Relationship, Gou | Goh/Satoshi | Ash Ketchum
Comments: 4
Kudos: 122





	whispers in the dark

The first time, Gou laid in his bed, staring up at the ceiling as he listened to Ash's shallow breaths from the bunk below. He didn't know what time it was - he had left his Rotomphone on the desk. He wasn't sure if Ash was still awake either, but just in case he kept quiet.

Obviously he wanted to go to sleep himself, but something was bugging him. It kept nagging at his brain, eating away at him, unbeknownst to the boy below.

And that was the fact that he happened to maybe, possibly, kind of have a crush on said boy.

Now he wasn't going to confess to him - no no no, that was out of the question. But he hadn't ever told anyone he was… heck, he hadn't even said it aloud to himself. He had never had a friend - a real one, anyway - he could confide in. But he trusted Ash, ever since they first met clinging onto Lugia. Maybe now was the time.

If Gou was going to say it, he had to say it now. He swallowed nervously and whispered, "Hey Ash. You awake?"

There was a small shuffling sound, and then the familiar voice of Ash responded, "Yeah. What's up?"

"Can I… talk to you about something?” Gou whispered.

“Sure.”

"I…"

He couldn't say it. Suddenly there were a million thoughts swirling around in his head about why he shouldn't do this, how Ash would hate him and he'd lose his only friend-

Gou managed to slightly calm himself down. Ash was a really nice person, nearly all the time. He found it hard to believe he'd be so harsh.

Still, he felt sick even just thinking about saying the words. But he knew if he didn't say it now, it'd only be harder later. With a deep breath, he whispered, "I like boys."

There was quiet for a moment as what he said sunk in. Gou felt like he couldn't breathe. He waited for something, anything in response. After a moment-

“Oh.” came Ash’s reply from below. “Okay. Good to know.”

“T-That’s it?”

“Is there something else you want me to say?” Ash asked, a clueless look on his face. He really had no idea how rare of a reaction that was, huh.

“Well, no, not really I just thought…” Gou fumbled with his words. “I just thought it’d be a bigger deal. You’re really okay with it?”

"Of course! You're my friend." Ash smiled, but it faltered for a moment. "Did… it not go over so well with others?"

"Uh, no, I've actually never told anyone before." Gou answered, playing with his hair nervously. "You're the first."

"Oh. I'm glad you trust me like that." replied Ash with a slight laugh. "Is there… anything else you wanted to tell me?"

There was a small voice in his head that answered yes, the one that kept questioning other things, but he could get to that later. Right now, he was just glad to get this part of himself off his chest.

"Yeah. That's it." he clarified, nodding.

"Okay." Ash gave him another smile and glanced over at the shut door. "We should probably get back to sleep though. The Professor won't like it if we're late."

Gou nodded again and leaned back against his pillow. That was scary, and kind of awkward, and definitely weird. But he also felt really relieved. He breathed a happy sigh and drifted off, listening to the quiet sounds of Ash below.

* * *

The second time, Gou was sitting beside Koharu on the stairs outside the laboratory. They had been talking about some other things, such as school and Pokemon. But Gou had been trying to bring it up for a while, and he wasn't sure when, if ever, he was going to be able to say it. The Butterfree flitting around in his stomach weren't helping either. 

“I like boys.” Gou blurted out before his churning stomach got the best of him.

“Oh.” Koharu stopped and glanced at him, a surprised look on her face. “So like… you’re gay?”

“I guess? I don’t think I’m into girls. I mean, maybe I just haven’t met the right one yet or something but… yeah. I guess. That would be the term.” Gou knew he was rambling, but it was the only thing that he was able to do other than possibly burst into tears, which he really did not want to do in front of Koharu. (He wasn’t even sure why he felt like he was going to cry.)

The girl didn’t seem to know what to say. She just sort of… stood there, pondering and looking away. Gou felt his chest start to tighten up.

“Is that… is that okay?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah yeah! I’m sorry! I’ve never really had this conversation with anyone before, I’m not really sure what to say.” Koharu apologized. “It’s totally fine though. I’m fine with it.”

Gou nodded, relief flooding to his chest. He wasn’t sure how the girl would take it - she could be a little hard to read sometimes. He was glad that she was okay with it.

“So have you told anyone else?” she asked, leaning in as if she expected him to whisper. Which he sort of wanted to do, even though he knew nobody else was around.

“Just Ash.” he answered, playing with his hands.

“Do you…  _ like _ him?” Koharu asked, her eyes wide with curiosity.

Gou felt a little annoyed that she had just assumed that (he wasn’t into every boy that existed), and even more annoyed that she was right. He swallowed and glanced around before whispering, “Yes.”

Koharu nodded. “I thought so. You have a tendency to blush a lot around him.”

Gou felt his face turn red at  _ that _ . “I… I do?”

“Yeah. Your face gets all pink when he’s around. I was kind of confused as to why, but it makes sense now.”

Gou nodded, even though the sick feeling in his stomach had returned. Was it that obvious? Did other people notice? Did  _ Ash _ notice? What if Ash suspected that it was more than just admiration? What if he already knew?

“Hey, are you okay?” Koharu asked concernedly, waving a hand in front of his face. He snapped out of the little trance he’d been in, breathing a deep sigh.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Gou said. Suddenly there was a buzz from his Rotomphone, whose origins turned out to be the Professor calling him and Ash for a meeting. That he was apparently late for. “Ah geez, gotta go. See you later Koharu!”

He got up from the stairs, but before he left he said, “Oh, and can you keep this to yourself? I… don’t really want anyone else to know until I tell them."

Something dawned on Koharu's face and she nodded firmly. "Your secret's safe with me."

Gou's shoulders relaxed and he gave the girl a smile. "Thanks Koharu. You're the best."

Instead of her usual frown at what she called 'silly flattery', she gave him a small smile back as he ran off. Gou thanked her for it in his mind. He knew he could count on her.

* * *

The third time, it had been a while since Gou had told Ash and Koharu he was gay. He had gotten comfortably used to the fact that he didn't have to censor himself anymore around them, that he could relax and actually be himself. But there was still something that he hadn't exactly grappled with himself, and that was the fact that he wasn't sure if he was actually a boy in the first place.

Now, he had always been a bit feminine, and once he had realized he was gay he thought maybe it was just that. But as time went on, he became less and less sure. And once he learned what 'transgender' meant, he wondered if maybe that was it.

But the thing was, he didn't feel like a girl either. He felt perfectly fine being referred to with 'he' and 'him', but... 'they/them' sounded nice too. And after a long time of questioning, he'd come to the conclusion that he was non-binary. But he didn't know how to bring it up. At least he had known what gay meant without having to look it up. Would people even understand if they told them?

But he had trusted Ash and Koharu when he first told them, and he knew they would make an effort to understand even if they didn't at first. Gou breathed a sigh and made a resolve to tell them the next time they were all together.

That time came when the three were eating breakfast. It was on the weekend, so Koharu didn't have to rush off to school. The Professor was busy in the other room, working on looking through research that Gou had managed to get on their last trip.

Gou held a spoonful of cereal up to his mouth, but he placed it back down with a sigh. "Hey, can I talk you guys about something?"

Ash and Koharu glanced over to him, putting down their spoons as well. Gou wondered if they recognized his word choice from the last two times. "Sure. What is it?"

"So… do you guys know what… um, non-binary means?" Gou asked nervously.

"Kind of?" Ash said.

"No." Koharu said.

"So it's um… it's when you're not a boy or a girl but something else." Gou explained, scratching his arm. "And I… I think I'm that."

"Oh. Okay." Ash responded, blinking. "So should we use 'they' and 'them' for you? Isn't that how that works?"

"Uh, no, not all non-binary people use they/them. I'd be fine with that, but he/him is fine too. I dunno. I'm still figuring it out." Gou shrugged, not looking at the two right in the eyes.

"Alright." Koharu nodded, taking a bite of her cereal. "Well, let us know if you figure anything else out."

"Yeah we're here for you, okay?" Ash reminded them.

Gou couldn't stop the smile that spread across his face at that. Yeah, he knew.


End file.
